dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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