Plan B is the new Plan A
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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