Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
