So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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