I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
farters have to be the big spoon...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
