I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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