So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Small penises have feelings too.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize