I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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