I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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