the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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