i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
