yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
