do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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