Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Randomize