In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
don't judge my taste in strippers
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
