Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
