I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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