maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
