Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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