I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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