Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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