I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
