So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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