Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
