I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
