I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
