I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
