Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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