I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
