Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
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