I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
