Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize