if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
