so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Girls should come with a carfax report
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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