you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize