my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
