Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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