I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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