yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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