The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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