google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
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