Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
