So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
