I think scott just propositioned me for sex
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
