on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
As shirtless as possible
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize