My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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