kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
