Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm too high and old for this...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
