My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Randomize
