why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
