The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
