So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
pray to the hookup gods
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
