4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
