May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Michael Bay diarrhea
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
