It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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