A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
