I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
