Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You need a sexual gate keeper
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
