So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
