i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
