Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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