I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
