i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
