so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
