I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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