so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
