trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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