The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You were trust falling into bushes
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize