So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize