Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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