thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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