Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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