i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
