dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
