A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
