im having a threesome with these popsicles
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
