My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
