Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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