Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
