why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
