she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
