now i know why i became what i already was.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
