Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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