we're blogging at a bar
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
