billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize