Will you blow on my dice?
I love black thongs
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
