I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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