Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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