it wasn't lemon gatorade
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
