so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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