I bet he comes in French.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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