I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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