My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
