My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
