I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize