i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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