so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
