I'm going to jail i love you
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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