I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
